45 SHADES OF ORANGE
HOW I STOLE A NATION
Everything is true except for the parts I made up…
After all, it is a book of erotic fiction...
Part One of Book One
Why is this happening?
It all started on January 21, 2006, at a rehearsal dinner held the day before I married a foreign girl and met some of her family. Her uncle was an influential figure in the dictatorship themes of his home country. I was surprised to learn that he knew who I was. Although I was marrying his niece, my wife-to-be introduced us, suggesting I should talk to him during the next 3 days. I agreed, giving him my contact info, but he waved my hand away, saying he already had that info. One of his security personnel gave me a card with Uncle's private number. I thought to myself, WOW, never thought I would be talking to an Oligarch from another country. He said we would talk soon, and my wife advised me to be cautious when speaking with her uncle, emphasizing his power.
Page 2
(Do what I say and I can make you President)
The next day around noon, a car drove up to my home. The driver asked if I would go for a ride to talk with Uncle. Sure (why not). When we arrived at his hotel, we went into a private room off the main lobby. Uncle walked towards us with his hand out to shake mine. "Hello, my friend, have a seat and join me for a glass of champagne; weddings are to be celebrated." He mentioned he had been watching me for a while and was impressed with my business skills. He noted my history of only renting to specific demographic groups, mentioning how I had the potential to go far. He asked what political party I favored, to which I replied Republican. He said, "Great, that’s a good start; they can easily be fooled compared to the educated Democrats." How would you like to be the President of the United States? I replied, "Wow, where did that come from?" It would be (Ehuge) if we could pull it off. He said he could help put me behind the Resolute Desk in the Oval Office. We both laughed, but he stopped laughing way before I did. That moment lingered in my mind all day and night. (He really meant it.) He continued to instruct me on making people do what I want, focusing on manipulation themes common in political satire.
Before we parted that night, he handed me a phone saying this is the only way we communicate from now on. The following night, after the wedding, I spotted Uncle across the room with his protection squad talking to my new wife. He looked up at me and waved me over. After saying goodbye to friends, I approached. My father had informed me that Uncle was a very shrewd man. As I got closer, he stood up to shake my hand, with a grip that was firm (his hand was much larger). We exchanged devilish looks, smiling at each other, as I sensed the weight of what lay ahead.
Page 3
Millionaires make good fall guys
We exchanged pleasantries and sat down. He asked if I had pondered his proposition from the previous night. I said, "What, about being President someday?" He replied yes, and I confirmed I had thought very much about it. He then said, "I can help you get there, but you must follow a few rules over the next 8 years or so. To truly get ahead in this world, you need to think long-term. Make this your way of thinking from now on." I inquired about the rules, and he laid out a plan steeped in the art of manipulation and political machinations that echoed long-standing dictatorship themes. He advised building a circle of influential individuals, including millionaires, billionaires, heads of state, and media CEOs. Billionaires are partners to share the wealth; millionaires making under $500,000,000 are your fall guys. You can rely on their money much more than the billionaires. The millionaires desire entry into the billionaires' club, willing to do anything to gain favor. Promise them the ranch but only give them a stuffed pony. Keeping supporters hungry will be essential for funding as they work harder for your cause if they believe they will gain something. He emphasized seeking common threads and interests, highlighting the potential for empowerment through gun rights among the uneducated, while noting that the smarter ones are harder to sway. It’s not about making friends, it’s about Money and Power.
Page 4
Baffle your supporters with Bullshit
Make it clear that you are on their side and the only one who can fulfill their dreams. Show them that you support their values but with differing motivations. Let them sample what significant funds can offer in the right hands. Invest in local governments to initiate laws benefiting supporters. Ensure coverage by the news so that your image as a helper prevails. When times are good, you will get credit; when they aren’t, blame the opposition for taking rights away. Organize rallies; assure them access to learn more about changes benefiting them—all at no charge, a show of gratitude. With ongoing support for candidates aligned to your interests, maintain awareness to ensure their needs drive action while you enrich yourself from the contributions of the uneducated. Build a reliable group of millionaire lawyers for your biddings, securing them with retainers anticipating lucrative payouts. Always have someone documenting your meetings for unexpected proof or leverage—something outside legal lines that they wouldn’t want public. This control grants you serious power.
Page 5
The long game
Uncle told me he had connections for information management. He had several establishments in his home country with recording devices installed. It’ll be useful for gathering information later. I send free coupons to procure dirt on those chosen for information. Next, acquire ailing companies using shell companies to conceal your identity. Hire innovative accountants to maintain anonymity. Buy cheaply, then close them, liquidate, and sell at market value to leverage the properties. By embellishing property values, you create a perception of wealth, which influences investment from others. Your goal is to present an image of worth, becoming a cash manager for others' funds, engaging in the financial practices characteristic of political manipulation.
Page 6
With this newfound wealth, set your sights politically, starting with local politicians, escalating through senators and governors. Your credibility will soar, enhancing your endorsements. Choose Republicans, where monetary influence is potent, and leverage your backing as a ticket to electoral success. Be visible as a supporter of winners, then swoop in later in their campaigns to broadcast your support across media to line your pockets further. Always have ongoing projects requiring donations from influential backers. Make your mark known; you can bestow wealth and influence upon them. Always remember to entice them with promises, giving them little in return while securing your dominance in this cracking political satire.
Uncle said he could help me become the President if I followed his guidance. My future begun that very day, bright and red. A few days later, after acquiring capital from my father, I could initiate the strategic greasing of palms to propel my plan into motion ($3 Million). I arranged to meet Uncle on the 3rd of each month—personally or over the phone—for updates on strategic changes needed.
